I’m not sure what all to share of my story. When my husband first mentioned polygyny, I laughed. And he laughed. Because he was joking, and we both knew it.
My husband has a cousin who found herself unable to have children. In a very Sarah-like fashion, and in what I still rate as one of the most difficult things a woman could ever do, she suggested her husband marry another wife so he could have children. He did, and he and his second wife now have four children. My husband’s cousin, who is an engineer, mind you, spends lots of time with them and cares for them as if they were her own. This is not a close relative, and I don’t get to visit my husband’s country, so I’ve never been able to speak with this selfless woman. But I have always admired her from afar. There is a level of respect for someone who can put others’ interests above her own like that that cannot be attained any other way. A first wife who is humble and kind and accepting of her co-wife(ves) is a woman to be envied, because she must have reached a very lofty plane, spiritually. That’s what I thought when I heard her story, Allah hafezzha.
So when I found myself in a position, several years later, where my husband and I began talking about polygyny without the joking, I wasn’t threatened. I looked upon it as something to aspire to. A great way to try and learn to put Allah first in my heart. If I don’t have a spiritual challenge I tend to become complacent, so I figured what better way to ensure a constant challenge? I also liked the sister who was to become my co-wife, and she was simiarly open to polygyny, so we went ahead, and all prayed for the best.
Alhamdulillah it has been five and a half years now. I still have never been able to talk to the woman who was my role-model, but I pray for her a lot.
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