Some words for brothers
If you’re a brother who is considering polygyny, first of all I hope you’re keeping your wife in the loop! But another thing to think about is how difficult it is for you to do things you don’t want to do. Are you a person who quietly forces himself to fulfill his responsibilities and gets on with life? Or do you have trouble making yourself take out the trash or pay the bills on time?
Do you put off everything from salat to oil changes? How often do you do something just because you know you should, when there is no outside pressure for you to do it? Do you usually go with your latest emotion or are you able to stick to a commitment even when your emotions are in a completely different place?
The reason I ask is because as a husband of more than one wife you WILL like one of them better than the other. This is natural. The Prophet – salAllahu alaihi wa sellem – said that Allah does not take you to task for what is in your heart, but He will hold you accountable for how fair you are with time and resources. Which wife you like best may even vary from one day to the next, but at any given time you will be happier or more satisfied with one of your wives than you are with the other. You will also find yourself fighting with one wife when it is her night. It will take great self-discipline and taqwa to be fair in such situations. You have to go to the wife you’re angry with when it’s her night, no matter how much you may want to go to the currently-anger-free wife. And vice-versa, of course.
So if you’re not a person who is naturally just and self-disciplined, who easily puts doing what’s right above what he wants to do, then you should think hard and make lots of itsikhara about the decision before you enter polygyny. Because it is a great test in this area.