Big Faith

The show is called Big Love but polygyny really takes Big Faith

The Granddaddy of all Bad Reasons

trophy.jpgThe granddaddy of all bad reasons for a man to think about polygyny is: Midlife Crisis.

Many men go through a period in middle age where they feel compelled to cling desperately to (or recreate) things they feel represent their spent youth. This compulsion can manifest itself in any number of different ways, including the proverbial red sports car, a wacky haircut (if there’s any hair left!), wearing clothes from the Gap, taking up snowboarding, or booking that trip to Italy that was a teenage dream. But the important thing is that many men reach a point where they believe their good years are ending and, they attempts to keep them rolling by external means.

When a guy tries to keep them rolling by getting a younger wife, it can be a disaster for all concerned.

Although some women take this quite well, other women are devastated by such a turn of events. Can you imagine having been a loyal wife for twenty or thirty years, raising children with your man, supporting him in his early career when there wasn’t enough money, defining your life by the rhythms of your relationship with him, only to be repaid by him turning to a younger woman because she has no stretch marks or crows feet – does not bear the beautiful marks of a long life lived together? This is another instance where a little empathy would go a long way on the part of the husband. But unfortunately, a man in the throes of a pathological midlife crisis is not thinking or feeling clearly. He is obsessed – wrapped up in maintaining his own pleasure.

Some second wives in this position are likewise unhealthy. Such a marriage feeds their ego, and they enjoy their position as the husband’s trophy. So between the lack of empathy on the husband’s part, the depression and rage the first wife may feel, and the superior attitude of the second wife, these situations often turn into one big mess. In addition, the second marriage often fails as the husband realizes that what he really wanted wasn’t the responsibility and permanence of another wife. The excitement of someone new and young can wear off after awhile.  If the man is lucky, his first wife will be waiting for his return to sanity.  If he’s not, he might lose them both.

March 18, 2007 Posted by | faith, Islam, marriage, muslim men, Muslim women, polygamy, polygyny, religion | Leave a comment